MR. MEAN AND NASTY

   Well, I jumped on the highway and planned to get to Austin as fast as I could. I had really good luck. I think it took me less than two days to make it all the way to Austin. I was somewhere in Missouri (AKA Misery) on the interstate, for God knows how long, when I decided I needed a break and some fuckin water - I was hot as fuck. But when I was walking off the highway I heard a big truck slam on his breaks. I turned around and saw that he had pulled over to the side of the road, so I turn around and make a B-line for the truck, praying that he had pulled over for me.

  Over the years, I found more so than often, when you’re on the highway for a really long time, if you take a break and then come back, you usually will get a ride. I don’t know, it worked for me  a bunch of times in 20 odd years of hitch-hiking. So I get to the truck, open the door, and I see this really fat trucker with long hair. He was dirty as fuck and was looking at me and asking me where I was going. I tell him “Austin” and he tells me he’s going all the way to San Antonio, which was south of Austin. Fuckin right, turn that air conditioner up and let’s get the fuck out of here.

  This guy was a dirty-minded mother fucker, so you could say we hit it off right away. He said he would get me to Austin no problem, but then we were at a truck stop somewhere in Kansas and there was some chick on the C.B asking for a ride, going the same way we were going. So he tells her to meet him at his truck and tells me that I’m going to have to find another ride. I was pissed at first, ‘till we seen her waddling her fat ass over to the truck. He said something funny to her and left her in the dust. That was close, I would have been choked if I would have lost that ride. So Mr. Mean and Nasty, which is what he called himself on the C.B, came to a screeching halt right on the interstate right downtown Austin, which he would have got in shit for doing, and dropped me off. I was back.