SLOPPY, SLOPPY SECONDS

 

  To this day, this was the longest one shot train ride I have made, fuck Texas is huge. I was on the back of a unit for three fuckin days and by the second day I was out of smokes. This is when riding a train sucks. Get me the fuck off here! I was happy when I rolled into the big easy.

  I couldn’t help myself and I knew that I would probably go to jail here but I loved this city and this time was no exception.

  mI think it was a week before I ended up with another fuckin bracelet around my wrist. Me and this really ugly chick, who I probably would have ended up fucking, and it would have been another one of those stories of “what the fuck did I do last night,” but didn’t happen because I went to jail, phew that was close. Anyway me and her were panning on Bourbon and a couple hippy looking motherfuckers come up to us and asked if we wanted to buy some pure LSD “fuckin right” except I had no money. I told him to let me see it and the dumb fuck passed it to me, so I proceeded to start dumping it in my mouth and walked away from them while telling him to fuck off. So they’re all following me yelling at me to give them their shit back, when finally he musters up the courage to grab me we start fighting. No longer than 30 seconds later, the cops were there breaking us up. Luckily, I had thrown the visine bottle which contained the L.S.D in the grass. I probably would just be getting out of jail if they would have caught me with it. So next thing I know, we are both in the back of the cop car. I was already tripping hard and on the way to jail. But at that moment it didn’t matter.

  So we get to O.P.P and they throw us in the same bull pen. With the walls dripping and the floor swimming I was yelling at this skid and telling him I can't wait to get to the range with him. “I’m going to kill you!” He was hve been so scared and I must have looked really crazy. He ran up and started banging on the cell door, so yeah they split us up. We were both charged with assault and when I saw him in court the next day I told him that we should team up and say we were friends and were just fucking around but he wouldn’t have any part in it, fuckin dummy. I don’t know if it would have worked, probably not, but we could have tried. I plead not guilty and took a 21 day set back and have no clue what happened with him, good riddance, the dumb fuck. Next time he won’t give up his drugs like that. I would hope not anyways. Well I didn;t fuck around when I got out, I hit the interstate. I didn’t know where the yard was and more importantly, I didn’t want to get busted in the yard. So I hitchhiked up to Atlanta.

  I ran into a kid there that was friends with Syd named Zack and his dog, Dusty. We started to hang and get drunk together; it was January so it was still too cold to head North and Zack said he was heading back to New Orleans, so I told him I would tag along.

  WE went to the C.S.X yard right outside of little five points to hop out. This would be my first time putting a dog on a train on the fly (when the train is moving.) The way we do this is I would walk down five cars back and get on first and as I passed him he would pass the dog up to me and then he would get on and hopefully the train didn’t take off too fast after he passed the dog up to me, which could happen in the blink of an eye. This is why it’s not a good idea to throw your gear on there before you get on. Bye, bye gear, which I’ve heard stories about.

  We ended up getting on the wrong train and ended up in Chatanooga, Tennessee where we jumped off and went into town and actually had a time. We just got really drunk while panning in front of the liquor store in the ghetto, I think we even smoked some crack and got in a fight. Later that night, we stumbled back to the train yard and got on a train that would take us to Birmingham, Alabama. We ended up in the N.S yard in Iron Dale which was close to Birmingham, and out of there it’s a straight shot to New Orleans, where we ended up in the Gentilly yard and then headed to the French Quarter.

  This is why I fuckin hate New Orleans. A couple days after we got there early one morning, I was sitting in Jackson Square, minding my own business, when two beat cops come up and throw me in cuffs and tell me I’m under arrest for obstruction of a side walk. Are you for real? I’ve heard a couple more stories about New Orleans and they’re out of this world charges. One would be molesting a cheeseburger. Apparently, the story is that some kid was seen throwing the pickles off his cheeseburger and he got arrested for it. Now that one is a myth, but it is supposed to be true, you decide. A charge I did see with my own two eyes was leaning with the intent to fall, yeah that’s right. It’s just another way of naming public intox, but htis is New Orleans we’re talking about and Napoleonic law.

  I ended up just doing three days for sitting ont he sidewalk but Zack had already left with some chick and I hooked up with a guy named Josh, and we ended up having a fuckin really good time travelling together.

  We were squatting this place on Esplanade St. where we ended up bringing a couple hotties back with us and we got wasted on a half-gallon of whisky. About halfway through the bottle, I end up in the room with one of them making out and finger banging her, but she wouldn’t fuck me. Josh was in the next room pounding the shit out of the other girl, so when he finished, he came over and tagged me in, the good ol’ switcheroo with this girl, nice and sloppy wet and ready to go. It was time to throw it in her sloppy box. Fuck that chick was fuckin hot too, classic!

  So a couple days later I stumble back to the squat to pass out, only to be woken up by New Orleans finest, fuck! So they throw me in cuffs and tell me I’m under arrest for trespassing. Fuck it, never fails! This is baffling, when they got me in the car and ran my name they had typed in the wrong last name and just went with it even though I was telling them that I’m not htat guy on the computer. That guy had two warrants out for his arrest, so now I have two more charges that aren’t mine, so off I go to O.P.P. So when I get there I go up to the booking officer and explain all this, but of course it goes in one ear and out the other. To make matters worse I find myself in front of Mad Max. Fuck. I go to court in the morning and plead not guilty and take the 21 day set back, hoping I will have section C when I go back to court the next time. Sometime while waiting to go back to court, I ask the screw when I go back to court and if I get time severed and if I would be out and he tells me no, that I’m doing 60 days. That fucker gave me 30 days for each of that guy’s warrants! What the fuck, I was pissed. So when I went back to court I got 21 days for the trespassing time served, but it didn’t matter anyway. I’m just glad they weren’t felony warrants! One time I ws in there, I met this kid that had been lost in their system and had been on the receiving range for more than a month and hadn’t been to court, fuck man I felt bad for him. The only cool thing that came out of this situation was that I got my first tattoo and it cost me two pouched of Bugler Tobacco which was like $4.00. The tattoo is a railroad crossing sign. It’s pretty gay, but I love it!

  It sucked more than other times I had been in jail here because fuckin Mardi Gras was happening, whichI really wanted to be a part of. It’s supposed to be wid! I was forewarned not to go to New Orleans just before Mardi gras because the cops do sweeps and clear the streets of our kind. I was told if you chose to go for Mardi Gras, go while it’s happening and you might have the chance of not going to jail.

  When Igot out it ws early March and surprisingly JOsh ws still there so we headed over to the Avondale yard with that chick that I had been with when I took that hippy for his acid. The Avondale yard is where W.B.D trains originate from on the low U.P line and will take you all the way to the Colten yard, just outside of L.A.

  WE were going to go up to Austin, but we broke up on the Houston yard where we jumped on the wrong train that ended up going down towards Mexico. Luckily, we got off and found this out at a siding or better known as a two mile (when the train pulls on to another track to let a train pass) We weren’t that four out of Houston when we figured this out, but it was a good haul back to the yard, so we just waited for a train to pass going slow enough for us to get on. When the first train came by, it was going too fast for comfort, but JOsh was up and running, so fuck it. Shit man, that fucker was hauling at a good 15-20 miles an hour, but we made it! That chick was the smart one out of us and didn’t even try or have time to wave good-bye! We ended up just taking this train to the yard where we hopped off on the fly and I fuckin ate rocks. It was my first time getting off on the fly so I didn’t run with the train, oops! Josh thaought it was the funniest thing, yeah, it was pretty funny.

  WE ended up jumping on the first thing that we seen rolling out of the yard and headed that general way, we didn’t care where we were heading. It was staring to warm up north and we had no chin where to be anyway, ahh the beauty of traveling. I just remember waking up and we were in Texarkana right on the Texas/Arkansas border, so I busted out my train map and figured we were heading to little rock.

  We ended up staying in the yard in Little Rock, which I regret because I would have liek to check the city out and because I never went back that way. So we decided we were going to go up to Chicago. We found a really cool worker that found out what train we needed to get and pointed it out to us. So we went and found a box car, spiked the door, and settled in. When you’re riding a box car, it is always a good idea to spike the door with a railroad spike because if that door slams shut on you, you’re probably fucked and wouldn’t be found for months! I don’t remember where the train brought us, but we were 60 miles south of Chicago, so we had to hitchhike the rest of the way but that ended up not being a problem. 

  This time Chi town was a fuckin blast. We were hanging out downtown making a killing, just getting insanely wasted.

  Well this one was for the books! We were sitting on Belmont St. one evening when this drunk chick stops and starts chatting withus and then invited us back to her place to drink. So we are there drinking for a little bit, but when I came back from the bathroom, Josh is balls deep in this chick and when he finished she’s begging for my cock, YES! So this would be the second time I tooks Josh’s sloppy seconds, do I care, no! It gets better! So after we were done violating this girl she gave me $10.00 to go get some crack for her, I only had to walk a couple blocks to get it so I cruised down to the corner to get some. So when I came back I was being all sly and shit about the situation because we hadn’t told Josh that I was going to score crack because we dind’t want to share, So Josh ends up finding out after we had smoked it and gets all butt hurt and hits me. So we fuckin go at it and it ended with us having a matching pair of black eyes the next day.

  After this, we made up and left the girls house to go drink more down at the lake. Before ya know it Josh is passed out and I’m banging her again. Next thing you know, I’m waking up in the morning with her pants under my head using them for a pillow, but she’s nowhere to be found! Man, this fuckin chick must have felt so ashamed, dirty and worthless when she woke up wondering where the fuck she was, next to two dirty ass homeless kids and she didn’t have the nerve to wake me up to get her pants back, so she just walked home in her panties, HA!!!!

  I woke up Josh right away and told him we needed to pack up and get the fuck out of there.m I was picturing her calling the cops and saying that we had raped her or something liek that, chicks can be brutal, but thank fuck she didn’t do that! I didn’t know whether to burn the pants because of the evidence or to send them somewhere for safe keeping, so I could put them on my future blow up doll named Thunder Thighs, and reminisce later in life whiel I’m sitting in my lazy boy chair. I can only guess what kind of thoughts must have went through that girls mind. Fuck, where am? Not again, did I use a condom? Fuck, I don’t see one, fuck! Do I have AIDS? Why am I such a whore? Did I let him do anal? Phew, my butt doesn’t hurt, but that was a close call! Fuck, I’m a slut. Lastly, the famous, I will never ever drink again, FUCK!!! That’s alright baby, without women like you, we;d be lost. Thanx darling, it was good for me!!!

  Shortly after this, the band GWAR came to town so we made some money and went to the show. While we were waiting in line this really hot chick asked us if we had an extra ticket to sell her, we didn’t but I swear she would have sucked one of our dicks for one. I wish I would have let her because she was smoking and I ended up getting kicked out after a couple songs for being too drunk.

  I had $10.00 when I got kicked out so I decided I wanted to get some crack. I found this huge black guy that ended up ripping me off, but not before I went at him with a beer bottle. His girlfriend intercepted it before the bottle crashed down on buddy’s skull but then he hauled back and hit me once, giving me a huge black eye for two weeks. Fuck, that guy was seriously huge!

  After the show we met up with a couple old traveling kids that had a place in South Bend, Indiana which wasn’t too far away and they had a car, so we went there with them. They ended up having a keg of beer that we drank on till it was gone and then we hopped back to Chicago.

  The train yards in Chicago are fuckin huge and complicated, so we decided to hitchhike to Springfield, Illinois and go meet up with some chick that Josh knew, he was also from there. We split up on the interstate and that was the last time I seen or talked to him. The last thing I heard about him was that he had got his neck slashed, but that he was OK.

  I didn’t even bother stopping in Springfield and kept going on the St. Louis and got on a W.B.D hot shot to Kansas City. From there, I took the train to North Platte, Nebraska. Fuck man, the U.P Bailey yard is fuckin huge. I’ve heard of kids having to hop over 40 strings of rail cars just to get out of the yard here. Luckily I had a chance to jump off just before the yard because I was out of beer and smokes. Otherwise, I would have stayed on and hopefully kept going after making a crew change and not broke up here.

  On my way into town I seen a unit idling with someone in it, so I walked over and hollered up at him to see if he could toss me a couple bottles of water, Just as he was tossing them doen to me the bull was driving up the gravel road, fuck! He ended up being alright, but told me if he sees me again I would go to jail.

  Interstate 80 was right there, so I got something to eat and stuck out my fuckin thumb. I decided I was going to go to Reno and then figure where I would go next. I ended up getting a really good ride with these two weird dudes, I just remember thinking that they were going to bury me somewhere in the desert.

   This part of my life remains a total blank; the next thing I can remember is being back in New Orleans where I met this girl who I ended up traveling with and I can’t rememebr her name for the life of me. Amazingly, I didn’t go to jail this time, so that was a first. Probably because I stayed the fuck out of the French Quarter and didn’t stay there too long.