LITTLE BRAT

 LITTLE BRAT

  I started to get into trouble when I was about 10, I guess. I remember when I was 11 years old, my parents stuck me in the Nova Scotia hospital, which was a mental hospital. I was there for a 7 month evaluation that my social worker convinced my parents to stick me in there for. I remember going home on weekends and they would bring me back on Sunday nights. I used to kick and scream not to go back to that place, but to no avail.

  After 7 months, I was out of there and was still deemed a problem child. My social worker turned around and told them that she wouldn’t send anyone else there. “Well I guess this place doesn’t work” she said. Fuckin’ bitch used me as a guinea pig. Even my folks were pissed about that. My buddy Chris and I pissed all over her car one day. It was funny. Fuckin’ cunt.

  Anyway, I kept getting in trouble after that and picked up my first break and enter charge. I broke into this kid’s house from school to steal his parent’s liquor. I ended up ratting on myself. Fuck, I felt pretty stupid when the judge gave me 3 months in Shelburne open-custody.

  Just after this there was this grade nine student, while I was in grade seven, that was getting in my face so I told him to meet me after school on the bike path. About a quarter of the school showed up to watch me bloody this kid up. One of my buddies told me he’d buy me a chocolate bar at the store if I broke his nose. Fuckin’ right I want a chocolate bar! The cops ended up at my place later that night and said that his parents weren’t going to press charges against me as long as I stayed away from him. For the next week or so he had a big bandage on his nose and we kept teasing him about it by saying “Hey Greg, it’s not Halloween yet.” He ended up getting pissed and shoving me so I shoved him back. Next thing I know is that I’m being charged with assault causing bodily harm. Fuckin’ bitch! I never did get my chocolate bar! I ended up not getting any time, but I had to write some fake ass apology letter and got some probation.

  And then there was the joy riding - fuck that was fun. My mom used to keep the car keys in her purse downstairs. At night, I used to sneak out and take the family car for a spin. I remember having to put WD-40 on my door hinges because my bedroom door would squeak when I opened it at two in the morning. The first time I got busted was funny as fuck, I think, but my dad not so much. I came home one day from school and my mom was sitting on the couch all pissy looking and she says to me “Mark, did you take the car last night?” Well obviously, I was like “No.” It turned ou that when my dad went to go to work in the morning the drivers seat was still all the way up and the stereo was full blast with fuckin’ Iron Maiden, Ha! I took my mom’s keys one day and went and made copies so I wouldn’t have t fuck around. She ended up taking her purse upstairs at night soon after. Little did she know!

 I took the car a few times between there, but the worst was the time me and two friends took it for a spin. We were backing into poles, trees, over the curbs, pretty much any thing that was in our way. There was this rich neighborhood we ended up cruising in called Portland Estates. It just so happened to be garbage day and we would go out of the car and biff garbage at the houses with the Maiden cranked and burn rubber out of there. Sound like a thing to do when you’re young like that but fuck, I’d still do it today!

  So the story goes on. We are driving around for a couple hours causing shit and we're on the way home and at the top of a hill when I discover that we have no brakes, It wasn’t a huge hill but big enough that you wanted brakes - that’s for sure. Well, we didn’t have much of a choice, so down we went. We made it around the corner without flipping (don’t know how) and lo and behold there is a cop car right there, shit. You can say that was the end of the joy ride! It turned out I was pressing on the gas and the brake at the same time so I burnt the brake pad to a crisp. All the backing into yards, over curbs and into trees… the undercarriage of the car was completely fucked. My dad had to press charges on me to get the insurance, which I ended up doing five months for in Shelburne. He had to get a new car and he was pissed, needless to say! Sorry Bud!