The Dirty Chronicles

`   DOWN SOUTH   I turned 17 in Vancouver on August 18, 1997 and around the first of September Lance and I headed out to catch my first freight train! Syd had gone ahead of us and crossed illegally because she was from Austin, Texas. We told her we would see her in Portland, Oregon.   We took the SkyTrain to New Westminster where there is a train tussle (bridge) where the train has to slow down to make the turn. I will never forget this ‘till the day I die. The sound of the powerful engine shaking the ground beneath my feet, the smell of the railroad ties, the sound of steel on steel, and the adrenaline running through my body. I said to Lance, “This is us, fucker,” waited for the engines to pass, found a grainer, and jumped on. What a rush!   On Canadian grainers there is a hole in the center and when you squeeze yourself in there are two more holes on either side that you can get in. It’s tight but not too bad and you’re totally hidden, but if you ge...

  CROSS COUNTRY   Well I hooked back up with Morgan and we hit the road. I don’t remember much of this trip which is surprising since it was my first time going across Canada. I got in a fight in Regina with a couple of morons in the park downtown but other than that it’s a blank.   I think it took us a week or so to make it to Vancouver. We stopped in every major city on the Trans Canada but only for the night and moved on. Our goal was to make it to Vancouver, meet up with Lance and Syd, and hop a freight train down to the states and head to San Francisco. I will always remember we had a cigar that we were going to save till we got to SF and light it up as soon as we were there.   All I really remember when I first got into Vancouver was that it was a really nice day and I thought to myself, “Wow, this palace is really something else,” Looking at the Skyscrapers with the Rocky Mountains in the background. I was super happy to be there.   Wh...

  BACK TO OTTAWA AND BEYOND Baja gave Todd and me a ride to the highway so we could hitch to Ottawa. When we got there I ran into this guy I knew from Toronto, Big Dan. He was an older guy, probably Todd’s age. He had just recently got out of prison after serving 10 years for a bank job. We would hang out under the Terry Fox bridge and harass all the tourists, yelling at them and rolling our empty 40s of beer at them. “Welcome to Ottawa, Fuckers!” We would say. It’s a wonder we didn’t get arrested.   We used to go to a punk bar in downtown they called “The Market '' and pick up chicks. Man, did I ever get laid while I was there. A different girl almost every night, it was wicked. I also had my first squirter wholly fuck it was like being in a swimming pool fuckin’ that girl!   One night I was coming back from the bar by myself when I noticed a really, and I mean REALLY hot girl. Like hot as in ‘I would eat corn out of her shit just to say I had dinner with her’ ...

MONTREAL HARD DRUGS AND CHAOS    Wow, Montreal! What a place. I was dumbfounded when I stepped foot in Berri park. The whole park was full of punk rockers just getting fucked up and the punk chicks were fuckin’ hot as hell!    I ran into a buddy of mine, Drew, panning on St. Catherine st. I’d met him in Toronto, he was also from Halifax and told me I should head to Quebec City because there was going to be a riot! I was stoked! Fuckin’ riot? Hell yeah! Let’s get it going!    Back then, every St. Jean Baptiste in Quebec City people would just get wasted and riot just for the hell of it. I think the riot in ‘96 was the last one they had for St. Jean.   It was $10.00 for a bus ticket from Montreal and I was there in three hours. I remember there were some people on the bus that I started talking to because they were heading there for the same reason and they had LSD so I showed up in Quebec high as hell, so that was a bonus.   I w...

  THE FIRST SQUAT AND THE FIRST SHAVED PUSSY!   Well, after all those escapades I ended up back in jail and then it was off to more group homes. My parents had moved to Sydney, Nova Scotia and when I was 14 I ran away from my group home and hitch-hiked up there. They took me back, thank fuck. I hated those places.   Around this time I was being a pretty good boy except for skipping school, fucking girls behind the school, being a dip shit in class and robbing kids for the coontents of their back packs. One day I made off with $70.00 which was awesome since usually I just went for calculators and pens just to piss them off. The halls were so crowded that I’d go in their pack when classes changed.   I remember the time my parents went to New Brunswick for the weekend to visit my Grandparents and left me home - they should have known better! My mom had this plant that she cherished in the living room. Well, without thinking it just might need water and su...

  LITTLE BRAT   I started to get into trouble when I was about 10, I guess. I remember when I was 11 years old, my parents stuck me in the Nova Scotia hospital, which was a mental hospital. I was there for a 7 month evaluation that my social worker convinced my parents to stick me in there for. I remember going home on weekends and they would bring me back on Sunday nights. I used to kick and scream not to go back to that place, but to no avail.   After 7 months, I was out of there and was still deemed a problem child. My social worker turned around and told them that she wouldn’t send anyone else there. “Well I guess this place doesn’t work” she said. Fuckin’ bitch used me as a guinea pig. Even my folks were pissed about that. My buddy Chris and I pissed all over her car one day. It was funny. Fuckin’ cunt.   Anyway, I kept getting in trouble after that and picked up my first break and enter charge. I broke into this kid’s house from school to steal h...

  DRUNK AND DISORDERLY IN THE DIRTY CHRONICLES   Where to begin? Well, they call me Dirty Mark. I really don’t know how or where that name came into existence. I guess it’s because I really don’t have a lot of standards and I’m the guy who is always thinking about fucking the weather girl and I’ll be the old man sitting on the lazy boy chair in my liquor stained wife beater, my dentures in a cup of water and my beer on the table next to me with my cock in my hand, watching some slut getting pounded on the television screen. And I’m a filthy fucking tramp and there is no shame in my game as you will soon find out, if you keep turning these pages and don’t burn this book or curse me thinking I am an asshole piece of shit.   I’m originally from Halifax, Nova Scotia but tell people I’m from Montreal because I hate Halifax and consider Montreal home base. I was born on August 18, 1980 and adopted two days later to a good family, of whom I won’t mention the names, and...